The Memoirs of An Incompetent Prince
by Lupin3Black
Summary: Based on The Princess Diaries Series. I had the idea of Remus as a prince and then this happened. Au. Remus is clumsy. Unco-ordinated and frequently is put in his place by gravity. He's also the only heir to the throne of Genovia. Siriusxremus slash, with Sirius playing the part of Michael.


Chapter one

"Remus! Your grandmother is here!" His mothers voice carried up the stairs and into his attic bedroom, resonating around the small space, Remus stood up, then automatically ducked to avoid hitting his head on the though ceiling. His grandmother? Oh crap! She was visiting today wasn't she? Remus mentally cringed thinking about his prissy, proper grandmother who hated unkempt hair and stained clothing.

Remus looked in the mirror hanging on the wall above his desk and winced, his hair was shaggy and in desperate need of a cut plus there was a jam stain on his school trousers where he'd dropped his toast this morning and hadn't had time to change.

Glancing around his untidy room, he vaguely wondered if he'd have time to change into something more decent than his jammy, rumpled school uniform. "Remus!" His mother yelled again. Remus sighed, obviously not.

He wretched open the trapdoor and dropped down, landing rather gracefully for a boy as accident prone as him, ignoring his mothers shrill exclamations that he 'Use the goddamn ladder before he breaks a bloody limb!' Remus grinned to himself, 'perfect landing, and they call me clums-FUCK' he tripped over a stray boot and tumbled down the stairs, landing sprawled at his grandmother's feet in the most indignant way.

"Hello Grandmother. Would you like some tea?" He offered weakly, pushing himself to his feet and assuring his mother he was indeed fine and in no way did his ankle throb painfully as if he'd placed it on a barbecue.

Nope.

'Owwwie'

"No Remus, I'm quite fine at the moment. Shall we sit?" His grandmother said haughtily, waving a hand majestically at the Lupin's small patched settee. She wrinkled her nose at Remus's appearance but thankfully didn't comment.

Hope Lupin cleared her throat, "While you two uh, talk. I'll run to the shop and get some milk." She shot Remus a look that clearly said 'Ha ha sucker!' Before grabbing her car keys and sprinting for the door, closing it behind her with a crash.

"Well, she's a wild spirit, isn't she?" Remus's grandmother offered politely, desperately trying to break the awkward, heavy tension that had form between herself and her grandson.

He smiled kindly, flashing teeth that braces had did terrific justice, "That she is. Grandmother, is there something specific you visited for? New York is a long way away from France y'know."

His grandmother perched on the edge of the sofa and clasped her hands together, "Well Remus, I have an announcement to make." When Remus nodded encouragingly, she continued "As you know, your sixteenth birthday is approaching, and your father made note that you should be aware of your status at this time."

His father, Remus nodded solemnly, Lyall Lupin had been a great man, granted, apart from sharing his surname and the extravagant gifts he'd received on his birthday, he'd never really known the man. They'd been planning on spending the weekend together but then his father had just gone and got hit by a car and died on him, hadn't he?

Marina Lupin was wiping at her eyes with her finger, Remus dug around in his pocket and pulled out a rumpled but thankfully clean Kleenex and handed it to her, she accepted it reluctantly.

"Status?" Remus prompted gently, as much as he loved his grandmother, he loved watching her walk out the door towards her fancy hotel even more.

"Well Remus. Your father was the rightful heir to the throne of Genovia."

It takes a minute for it to sink in.

Father. Heir. Throne. Genovia.

Pfft. No fucking way.

Remus smiled indulgently, "That's a funny joke Grandmother."

His grandmother sat straight in her seat and glared at him, "It's no joke boy. With Lyall...gone, you are the rightful heir to the throne." Remus frowned, no, that wasn't right. Royalty? Hell no. Did Genovia even have a royal family? Was that just not Britain? Politics had never been his strong suit.

"Are you feeling okay Grandmother? Did you hit your head in the way here? Would you like to lie down? Would water be better for you?" He placed his hand on his grandmother's forehead. She didn't feel warm...perhaps she wasn't lying?

"I am perfectly well Remus John Lupin! Now listen here young man. With your father dead, you are the heir, don't you watch the news ,boy? The Lupines, the oldest Genovian family in history? You are royalty child."

Remus shook his head, "My name's Lupin, grandmother, not Lupine, there's no E." He'd been suspicious when the prince of Genovia had died the exact same time as his father, and-bloody hell! He wasn't really considering this?

Noticing the 15-year Marina Lupin took out his birth certificate, where she got that, Remus had no clue. "See, boy?" She said, thrusting the flimsy piece of paper at him, he couldn't exactly deny it, there, in bold print where it said occupation of parents was;

Hope Prewitt; aspiring artist  
Lyall Lupine ; Prince of Genovia

"Holy hell." Remus breathed. His grandmother smiled sympathetically,

"I know dear, it's very sudden, but with lessons and-"

"I've been spelling my own name wrong for almost 16 years!"

**A/N so this is largely based on the Princess diaries, I'm focusing more on my own plot (yeah, majorly following the book and movie thoughts) but the basics is all there. So, definition of my characters, as of follows**

**Remus Lupin/Lupine / Mia Thermopolis**

**Lily Evans/ Lily something or other, the best friend anyway, she's a year younger.**

**Sirius Black/ Michael. Lily's hot stepbrother.**

**James Potter, a future boyfriend of Lily's, bit of a freak, has dyed red hair and creepy jumpers. I think his name was Jeremiah?**

**So, I hope you like it. Please Review! And I'm sorry for missing the past 2 days of my fic a day thing.**

**-Lupin3Black**


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